It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
