help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
