Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
