I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
