He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
