That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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