Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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