no, he came in my armpit
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
