yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
