Slut skills are useful in every country.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
