Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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