I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
