does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
