He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
