Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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