should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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