she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
