"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
