I looked at my own cervix.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
