but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The Olympian is in my bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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