he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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