He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
