A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I want her autograph on my taint
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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