You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
