she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
