Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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