Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
