Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
