got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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