she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
