I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
