I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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