She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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