i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
