It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
