I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
