I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
