there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
