just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
