My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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