there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
