yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
