Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
