shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
