I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
