i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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