I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
