she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
