Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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