I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
