Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
