so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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